a bad case of reflectionitis.
08 December 2005
  she: part two
when the bows are untied from her hair, she's beautiful the way joey potter is beautiful.

striking because of simple glamour - a beauty unidentified with intent. a beauty of nature and ease.

reminds me of the maybelline commercial, "maybe she's born with it...".

her beauty has this fiction behind it. her obvious humility and lack of self-awreness give me the feeling that she was once an ugly duckling. maybe she still thinks she is one.

she probably wakes up in the morning and spends more time sorting for a pair of comfortable winter socks than she does putting on make-up. if she even wears make-up. part of me prays that she does. i couldn't handle the rejection of fortune knowing that all she used was oil of olay moisturizer.

she's the girl that doesn't have to buy a glittery, $400 dress for deances. she's the girl that boys feel comfortable walking up to for the good of paying a compliment. the one that girls criticize for wearing last season's floral pattern and guys wait in line to dance with.

she's approachable in every way. her external is so intimidatingly superior, but her emotion is meek and almost insecure. dawsons get to fall in love with her while jocks gawk - waiting for their chance to bank in on a best-kept secret.

she's what everyone wants because she's never been had. she's untouchable. porcelain to a tee.

and of course this makes me watch wantingly. i've never been in the habit of lusting after the attainable.

i don't look at her the way a 14 year old boy looks at nudie pictures of fully-shaven girls posing wide-legged in a magazine. i look at her the way a photographer revels a silhouette as it teases the camera on a moonlit night. i admire her longingly hoping to capture something permanently. something to frame in my mind. for the moments when things are ugly. when i'm ugly.

because i don't know her. and this makes her as perfect as i want her to be.
 
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