a bad case of reflectionitis.
13 November 2005
  how to deal a good hand
men don't want mystery. they want predictable uncertainty. something that's transparent enough to guarantee success but confident enough to make the end point dangle in conversation. a woman with a combination of submission to his technique yet independent enough to appear unaffected will be in the right hands every time. she'll have her pick of the litter because she knows how to show him that she's unavailable to simple tactic but sly enough to stroke his ego until he can no longer handle being discrete. they want just enough knowledge of your interest to seal pursuit. once you become reciprocal enough to hint that your hand really is on their leg longer than platonic says it should be or that you're looking at them looking at you... you're toast. you're no longer attainable. because you've already been attained.

anticipation forces a man to count his chips and check again for the signs. especially when he's gotten far enough into the round to know he has a good hand. women who see this effort while remaining unaffected can assume a role that works every time. it's like the person in a room who speaks softly. they are unheard in a large mass, but they're given more attention because what they say has to be heard first. there is no way to be generic when you have to sit closer and be attentive to actually hear what this kind of person says. a woman who is subtle enough in her way of encouragement will force him to lean in closer. if not to hear her voice, at least to push the right boundaries. maybe a hand on the leg. or a hand on the back while moving through a crowd.

to call this a game would be unfair. this isn't a game. it's a process. a necessary mean to permit a more pleasurable end. women yearn to feel desired. men thrive on achievement. when two people rely on their sensual capabilites, the words don't get in the way. when we speak, we give away too much. we verbalize what could be discovered about us by a pair of observant eyes across the room. but we need not shut off our natural instinct to react and engage in these non-verbals that speak those thousands of words we would otherwise mumble inarticulately.

we're equipped in excess as humans. our biology talks about reproduction, procreation, fight or flight, dominant, recessive. our sociology talks about the needs that we cannot control but are a part of the strands that make us as human as we can bear to handle. so in the balance between our necessary interactions to plant seeds and our lustful acquisitions of ego, we formulate the process. because we are not robots attached to organs, nerves, and hormones that tell us what to do. we are not simply fingers touching hot stoves then jumping away yelping in response. we are also the curiosity, the insatiable gambler, the excitement of knowing what will happen, and the overzealous to experimentation. we are incapable of existing without a process that entertains our surplus of sensabilities.

we bridge the gap between what we need and what we want in the most trivial of moments. but it's a battle. and it's a process. we must be acutely aware of who we are and what position we have in any given environment. men and women are typecast into this unfortunate life that can be reduced to a movie scene. that's how i visualize it. but as i am seeing it, i know that zooming the camera in to show a woman strategically laughing and a man fiddling nervously behind his debonaire facade is quite accurate. the simplicity of interacting intentionally can be reduced. not only can it be reduced, it can be fixed. this power struggle that men and women seem to have is unnecessary. because when we reduce it to power or control, we are still complicating it too much. we just need harmony. to feel that a moment is at its maximum potential. whether we are trying to achieve or trying to feel desired.

a woman can create harmony by giving him a reason to stick around without giving him a reason to think he's won the game... yet. this keeps him playing. working. attentive. it keeps him feeling a sense of harmony, too. because he's still competing. still holding a good hand. still counting his chips to be sure he can handle checking.

but the only reason he counts his chips is to keep the standard of predictable uncertainty high. he knows what's at stake and that he's in a position to stay in it. but if he shows you that he knows he's got a good hand, he'll think he's given himself away and become a coward at the table. either that or he'll just stop thinking it's fun. because now you know what pocket aces looks like on his face. he wants to know that he can make the same face, count the same chips, and show the same effort whether he's got the aces or a two and a seven.

so always go into it like you're two aces, but let him bluff shamelessly like you're a two and a seven. he'll work. you'll reel. there will be harmony.
 
Comments:
It's amazing how alien this is to me. I am a 25 year old single male, btw. I, and most of the guys I know, really don't think like this at all. Now, that may be because I'm a graduate student at a technical school, but still... if I had to list what I look for in a woman it would be more like this:

- Does not have ex boyfriends in jail, involved with drug trade, etc etc
- Is at least moderately attractive (once a woman is past a certain point this is less important than people think)
- In decent shape.
- Not flagrantly disrepectful to me. (This doesn't subserviant or anything, it just means, for instance, not calling other people on her cellphone while I am talking)
- Age <= my age + 2 years.

All the rest is not that important.

Maybe I'm just not picky anymore after years of singleness. :)

So there is my un-requested opinion. At least you know someone read your entry now.

Tom
 
You're not going to stop blogging are you?? I liked reading it...

Tom
 
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